


Five Things James Learned at the Camille Academy of Dramatic Arts

by queenitsy



Category: Big Time Rush
Genre: 5 Things, F/M, Making Out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-12
Updated: 2011-04-12
Packaged: 2017-10-18 00:18:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/182907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenitsy/pseuds/queenitsy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James has a lot to learn about dating in Hollywood.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Things James Learned at the Camille Academy of Dramatic Arts

**Author's Note:**

  * For [poisonivory](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=poisonivory).



_1\. Don't get your heart too set on one role -- it can always go to someone else who auditions._

Girls liked James. That was just the way it was, the way it always had been, as far back as he could remember. Heck, since before then -- his mom had told him plenty of times about how strangers in the grocery store or the park would come up and coo at him in his stroller. Years later, when puberty struck and everyone around him started to look awkward, made of too many elbows and knees with greasy hair and zits, James had somehow skipped past all of that and straight to broad shoulders and washboard abs. Sure, Kendall had charm and Carlos was funny and Logan made the nerd thing cute, but James was The Face. When it came down to it, girls _always_ went for The Face.

Or at least, they always did in Minnesota. Hollywood... not so much.

James could mostly deal with that, because for all girls liked him, he was actually pretty picky about the girls he liked back. Okay, so yeah, he'd make out with pretty much any girl who had shiny hair or pouty lips, but that was just hormones. Being rejected by the Jennifers didn't bother him, for example, because sure, they were hot and all, but they only had one personality to share between the three of them, and it wasn't even a nice one at that. So James didn't really mind that they didn't go for The Face. He moved on and started looking for other girls. Girls who were hot, yeah, but also interesting, and dramatic, and funny, and smart. Since _basically_ all girls went for him, he figured there was no reason not to hold out for a girl who was pretty much awesome.

The problem was, by the time he realized who that was, she'd developed a disconcerting habit of kissing Logan. And yeah, James sort of suspected that The Face would work on her if he really tried, since they definitely had some kind of chemistry, but Logan really seemed to like her back. And James may have been The Face, but he wasn't the kind of jerk who tried to steal his best friend's girl. Really.

 _2\. Learn to conquer rejection._

"I've told you," Logan said, letting his head thunk back on the couch, "about a million times. You didn't break us up." He reached over and smacked his palm to James' forehead. "Bam: you are officially forgiven."

James stared down at his shoes, but said, "Okay."

"Besides," Carlos put in, leaning over the back of the couch between them, "it's not like it actually changed anything. I saw you two down at the pool today."

Logan blushed. "I didn't encourage that."

"You didn't object, either," Kendall added from the chair where he was perched, strumming mindlessly on a guitar he'd borrowed from Rocque Records. (Guitar Dude had been giving him lessons, and Kendall was picking it up as easily as he'd picked up basically everything else he'd ever tried. If James hadn't had The Face, he'd have been pretty jealous of that.)

"Wellll, no," Logan admitted. "But in fairness to me, I _am_ a teenage boy, and Camille is _really_ hot."

James swallowed and didn't say anything to that. He couldn't, because even if Logan had officially forgiven him in front of witnesses and everything, well, that would go right out the window if Logan had any idea how he really felt. Because it was one thing to accidentally kiss your best friend's girlfriend when you were helping her prepare for a very intense role, but it was _really_ something else to accidentally kiss your best friend's girlfriend when you had a massive thing for her. That was really, really not cool, and no matter how forgiven he was... well, he wasn't, because Logan didn't know, and James couldn't exactly tell him. He couldn't tell anyone. Ever.

The worst part, or another worst part, anyway, was that this really was an ego blow. It was good that Camille hadn't fallen for him when they'd kissed, because it would have broken Logan's heart, but on the other hand... Well, he was The Face. And they had chemistry. And yet, dumped or no, Camille had continued to grab Logan and kiss him basically whenever she felt like it. James was dumb, but not _that_ dumb, so even he knew the reason Logan never objected had nothing to do with raging teenage hormones, and everything to do with the fact that he still basically loved Camille.

Kendall strummed and half-sang, _"If you could see that I'm the one who understands you, been here all along, why can't you see --"_

"Really?" Carlos interrupted him. "Why do you even know that song?"

"It only has three chords," Kendall said with an easy shrug, but his gaze was fixed on James.

James coughed guiltily.

Logan stood up. "If you're going to play Taylor Swift, I'm going to go study somewhere I can't hear you."

"And I am going to go _not_ study somewhere I can't hear you," Carlos added, and followed Logan out.

Kendall looked at James, who looked down at his shoes again. Though he looked up and glared as Kendall started playing again. _"Been here all along so why can't you see, you belong with me..."_ Kendall paused, then met James' glare. "So, you doing okay?"

"Fine," James said, hating that his voice involuntarily jumped an octave whenever he lied. "I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be fine?"

Kendall strummed another chord and said, "No reason."

James groaned and let his head thunk back on the couch.

 _3\. Go on lots of auditions._

The Camille thing had thrown him off, but James was still sure of two things in his life: first, he was still The Face; and second, that making out was basically the best thing ever. Sure, he couldn't make out with the girl he really liked, but it didn't take a genius like freaking Logan (who did get to make out with the girl James really liked) to realize that making out with a lot of different girls was a great way to distract himself from the girl he couldn't have. The girl who didn't want him. Who he couldn't have. His best friend's kind-of-maybe-sorta-girlfriend, who didn't want him and also he couldn't have.

So James helped Trisha put on sun screen, and she totally made out with him as soon as she saw his awesome, tan body, glistening from the damp after he climbed out of the pool. Sure, maybe he glanced over at where Camille was drinking smoothies with Logan, but he forced his gaze back to Trisha because she was the one he wanted to impress. And she did look impressed.

(So did Camille, he noticed out of the corner of his eye, but that didn't mean anything. She was with Logan, and James had The Face, and girls always looked impressed by him, even if they didn't like him.)

Then James made out with Tiffany, the hot girl he'd spotted jogging every morning. He'd just jogged up next to her, flashed her a smile and asked if she minded company. A mile and a half later, they were necking outside her dorm. James jogged back to the Palm Woods with a grin, because yeah, he'd just made out with a hot college girl.

Then he made out with Leslie, the hot girl who worked at the convenience store; and Sarah, the hot new girl who'd just moved to the Palm Woods and wanted to be a singer; and Kim, who was Mr. Bitters' surprisingly hot niece. (Really, James never would have called that one, but he was kind of proud, just for how crazy it made Bitters.)

And then there was Annie.

Annie was beautiful. And smart. And she'd saved his life! And the best part -- he hated that it was the best part but it totally was -- was the way Camille had screamed to stop him and the look on her face when Annie had kissed him. But if it bothered Camille, it only showed for a second, and after that, she was happy for him, and nice to Annie, and Annie was great. James was pretty sure he could fall in love with her.

 _4\. Not every role is a good fit for every actor._

> I'm sorry I haven't been in touch much...things are really busy here since I'm hoping to make the Olympic swim team and helping dad at work too. The truth is that I think I just don't have time for a boyfriend right now...I really like you but I know it isn’t fair to you either if I can never see you. I'm sorry for telling you this in an email but I think I'd cry if I had to say it on the phone and I couldn't take that. I'm so so so sorry and I hope we can still be friends.
> 
> Annie

"James?"

James shut his laptop, forced a smile, and looked up. "Hey, Logan! What's... what's with the long face?"

"You know a lot about girls, right?"

"That's why they call me the Love Doctor."

"Only _you_ call you that."

"What's your problem?"

"Camille." Logan sank down onto Carlos' bed, and it looked sort of like he'd deflated.

James gulped. Giving Logan advice about Camille was basically the last thing he wanted to do. Or second to last thing, since right now the _last_ last thing he wanted was to think about Annie. But Logan was his best friend, and James owed Logan because of that whole kissing thing that Logan had been nice enough to pretend had never happened, so he said, "What's up? Tell Dr. Love all about it."

"Well, uh, Dr. Love... I keep... I keep... I keep telling myself that I feel a certain way about Camille. I mean, she's so awesome. She's funny, and smart, and hot, and great."

Like James didn't know that. But he just gave Logan a serious face and said, "Go on."

"So I should be in love with her. Any guy would be in love with her."

James swallowed.

"So why aren't I?"

"Huh?"

"When I'm with Camille, I feel like there's something missing. I always have. I mean, she's wonderful, and I do like her, but she... I... And now it's not just me being a screw up, it's her, too. She's been avoiding me, and when we're together she's, like, a million miles away. I don't know what's going on, but we're not..." He sighed. "All we ever do is make out."

"And that's a bad thing?"

"Yes!" Logan squawked. "Yes, because I want a girlfriend. A real girlfriend, who wants to have conversations with me, who likes math and science like I do, who I have anything at all in common with! And Camille is wonderful, but that's not her!"

"Oh," James said. Then blinked. Then blinked again.

"So what's the verdict, Dr. Love? What am I supposed to do here?"

James swallowed. He knew what he wanted to say. What he wanted to _scream_ at Logan. _Break up with her. The relationship is broken and you can't fix it, and she'd be better with me, and I_ want _her._

But because he wasn't that kind of a jerk, what came out with was, "You just need to talk to her. Tell her how you feel. Honesty. It's good stuff."

"I was afraid you'd say that." Logan groaned. "Relationships are hard. Why are you so good at them? _I'm_ the smart one."

James glanced at his closed laptop and thought of Annie. He thought he should tell Logan the truth, that maybe he wasn't so great with girls when it came down to it -- but if Logan thought he had a girlfriend, it would make things that much easier between them. Logan would never, ever guess what James really felt about Camille, and... And anyway, James wasn't a genius like Logan or charming like Kendall or funny like Carlos, and his skill with girls was really what he had going for him. He didn't want anyone to know he was basically just faking it.

So he said, "It's the face. Being good with girls is just part of being The Face."

 _5\. Always be prepared for the part you want._

"LOGAN!"

James winced in sympathy. Logan just sighed and leaned forward into the mic. "Yeah?"

"That is the WORST SINGING I HAVE **EVER HEARD**. Even from YOU."

Logan screwed his eyes shut, but just said, "Yeah. I know. Sorry."

That brought Gustavo up short in the production room. He and Kelly stared down at Logan, and James swiveled in unison with Kendall and Carlos, looking over at him. Logan just looked down at his shoes.

Kelly leaned in towards Gustavo's speaker. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, fine," he said, though it wasn't very convincing.

"Why don't we take 15?" Kelly suggested.

Gustavo grumbled, but nodded. James grabbed a water bottle and followed the others out of the booth and to the lobby. Logan practically threw himself down on one of the chairs, shut his eyes, and said, "So Camille and I broke up."

James coughed, the water he'd been drinking backing up his nose and into his sinuses. All three of the others turned to look at him, and he wheezed, "What? Why?"

"Because I took your advice." Logan grabbed one of the chair pillows and threw it at him. "I told her the truth."

"Wait, back up," Kendall demanded, and shot James a dirty look.

Logan sighed. "All James did was tell me to be honest with Camille. So I told her how I felt. And she told me how she felt. And we broke up. Again. For good."

"For good for _real,_ or for good, like...?" Carlos prompted.

"For real. No more random make outs. Which I'll miss," Logan said sourly. "But it's for the best. This way, I can move on, and she..."

"She?" Kendall asked.

"It's like I told James," Logan said. This time he didn't have anything to throw, so he just shrugged. "I kind of thought she liked someone else, and she does."

James swallowed. "That's... that... _sucks."_

"You don't know the half of it." Logan leaned back in the seat and said in the same voice he used to use to recite multiplication tables: "I'm not upset, really. I mean, it sucks. I'm not exactly in the mood to sing love songs right now. But I didn't like her anymore, not like that. And we're still friends. Good friends, actually. What honestly sucks most about the whole situation is that the guy she likes doesn't like her back."

James took another drink of water, and managed not to choke on it this time. The water didn't squelch emotions the way he hoped it would, though. It wasn't fair. It wasn't freaking fair at _all._ He'd had a chance to break up Logan and Camille but had done the right thing, and they'd broken up anyway, not to mention that Annie had dumped him, and now Camille _liked someone else?_ Someone who didn't even like her back?

The universe wasn't a very nice place.

"No one is _that_ mature," Kendall said.

Logan laughed. "Don't get me wrong. The guy who doesn't like her? I kind of want to punch him. In the face."

"Do we know him? We could hold him down for you," Carlos suggested.

"No! No, I'm not even angry at him. I just think he's an idiot. He and Camille would be, like, perfect." Logan looked over at James. "Like you and Annie."

James cleared his throat and it came tumbling out before he could stop it: "We broke up."

"What?" Kendall and Carlos asked.

 _"What?"_ Logan echoed, his voice climbing up an octave.

"We, uh. Well. She's busy, I'm busy, we're... busy, so it wasn't working out."

Carlos made a sad face and Kendall mouthed the word, "Sorry," but Logan half-yelled, "What? When did this happen? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Um, a couple days ago?" James squeaked.

Logan growled -- like, actually growled. James had never heard him do that before. Then he stood up and pointed a finger at James, waggling it in his face. "You are _such an idiot,_ James Diamond! Jeeze!"

Carlos and Kendall both turned to stare at James, who shrunk down a little on the couch. "What did I do?" he asked desperately, staring up at Logan, who he hadn't seen so angry since Camille had told him about the kiss. "What's wrong?"

"How can you even ask that? You _lied to us!_ How long ago did this happen?"

"What, me and Annie? Just... just a couple of days. I didn't want to talk about it--"

"You should have told me." Logan stalked to the other side of the room and glared back at him, arms crossed.

James sputtered. He wanted to defend himself -- he really hadn't been ready to talk about it -- but he also hadn't wanted to make things awkward because of his crush, and, well...

"You don't even know, do you?" Logan added. "You have no idea."

James finally got to his feet. If they were going to yell at each other, he at least wanted the height advantage. "No idea what? You weren't mad at me when I kissed Camille, but now that you and she are broken up you are? I don't get it!"

Logan glared up at him, then said, voice clipped, "No. You're the love doctor. Figure it out." The he stalked out of the room, slamming the door behind him. James stared at the door uselessly, then over at Kendall and Carlos, who both stared back, open-mouthed.

Finally, Kendall said, "I'll let Kelly know things just, uh, exploded. Why don't you head back to the Palm Woods and we'll try to calm Logan down? We'll meet you later."

James nodded, because he had no idea what the hell had happened. Logan had been fine, and then... Boom. Rage. It didn't make any sense -- Logan was fine with his own breakup, but pissed because Annie had dumped James? Pissed at James for being dumped?

He'd lost some of his steam by the time he reached the Palm Woods' lobby. Bitters was standing around behind the desk, ignoring a line of people who were trying to ask him questions; Guitar Dude had his feet kicked up on a table and was strumming mindlessly; Camille was sitting on a couch in the lobby, dressed as a pirate, reading a script.

James swallowed hard. If anyone knew why Logan was upset... but then again, he probably shouldn't go talking to Logan's ex-girlfriend until he'd figured everything out, because he didn't want t screw up again. He headed straight for the elevator, but there was a big sign on it reading "OUT OF ORDER." He turned towards the stairs, but they were at the other end of the lobby. Past Camille.

He tried to tiptoe. Maybe she wouldn't look up. Heck, if she did look up, maybe she wouldn't notice him, or want to talk to him, or --

"Hey, James."

Shoot. "Hey, Camille. What's... what's up?"

She shrugged and held up the script, which was apparently called _Stormy Seas_. "Just preparing for a role."

"Anything good?" he asked, unable to turn off the part of his brain that wanted to chat with Camille, even though he really, really didn't want to at that moment.

"It's about this pirate captain's daughter who takes over his ship when a naval officer kills him in battle, and she swears revenge. Then, at the end, they make out."

"Best way to end a movie," James said.

"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in the studio?"

"Ummm, I was. We were. But, uh, Logan's having kind of a bad day, so... Gustavo gave us the rest of the day off."

Camille's face fell. "Oh. Is he okay? I mean, never mind, it's not my business, I just... I didn't mean to hurt him."

James knew he was really in trouble now, but couldn't help himself. He sat down next to her on the lobby couch. "He knows that. He said it wasn't your fault or anything."

"Yeah? He talked to you guys about it?"

"Sure," James said. "He told us everything."

If her face had fallen before, now it went ashen. She stood up. "Oh. Um. Then I'll just... I'll just go. I just don't want things to be weird. I'm sorry." She pushed past him towards the elevators, but turned around in frustration a second later. As she started past him again, James grabbed her arm.

"Weird? What are you talking about?"

"Logan told you, didn't he?"

"He said you guys broke up! And then he got pissed at _me._ Is it... Did I...?"

She sighed. "It's not your fault, James. You're just too handsome for your own good."

He grinned and tossed his head, shaking hair out of his face. "That is true, but what does it have to do with you and Logan?"

She stared at him.

He blinked.

"Logan... Logan didn't tell you everything. Wait, no," she held a finger up to his mouth quickly, "don't ask anything. All I'm going to say is that I'm happy for you and Annie. I really am. You're a great guy, James, and I'll talk to Logan. He shouldn't be mad at you."

She ducked away from him, towards the stairs, so he had to yell after her: "Annie and I broke up two days ago!"

The entire Palm Woods froze.

Camille turned around slowly and stared at him. "You two... what?"

James sighed. "She dumped me, okay? She's too busy for a boyfriend right now. But it's fine. I wasn't really in love with her, I just..." He looked up at Camille, face flushed with guilt, "I just tried to force myself to be."

She took a few steps towards him. "Why would you do that?"

"I, um. Well." He shrugged. "I kinda, maybe, sorta liked another girl. Who... who had a boyfriend."

"Had?" Camille asked, now standing by the couch again, close enough for him to touch. Not that he would. "Not has?"

"Not anymore," James said. "But she likes someone else."

"James Diamond, you are an idiot," she said.

He didn't even get to ask why, because a moment later she grabbed his t-shirt and pulled him close, dragged him down a little bit and kissed him. He made a startled noise and she started to pull away, but there was no way in hell he was letting that happen. He wrapped his arms around her, tilted his head down to kiss her more easily, and let the scent of strawberry hair gel and lipgloss overwhelm him.

A round of applause broke them apart. James spun guiltily, saw Logan standing with Kendall and Carlos, and yelped. Then he jumped away from Camille, actually jumped, stumbled, and landed on the couch. Camille broke into giggles and Logan... smiled?

Logan walked over and offered him an arm up. James let him, then looked back and forth between Camille and Logan slowly, confused. "What just happened?"

"You don't get to call yourself a doctor of love anymore, is what happened," Logan said.

"But you -- and then she -- you were mad at me!"

"Yes," Logan said. "Because if you'd told me the truth about Annie, I would have told Camille, and then instead of _sad_ that we broke up, I'd have been _happy."_

"Happy?" James repeated.

"Yes, happy. Because you aren't very subtle and I knew you liked Camille -- except the Annie thing threw me off. If I'd known you and Annie were over, and then Camille told me she liked you, I would have just set the two of you up. You're happy, she's happy, that makes me happy."

"So... you don't want to punch me in the face?"

He glanced at Camille. "What do you think?"

"I'd rather you didn't." She reached up and pet James' cheek. "I'm pretty fond of his face."

"Well, then. All's well that ends well." Logan gave James a hearty pat on the back.

"You're _really_ not mad?"

Logan reached up and smacked his palm against James' forehead. "Bam. All is forgiven. Camille, he is now officially your problem. Enjoy."

"Oh, I intend to," Camille purred.

James blinked a few times, but Camille still had a hand in his shirt, and Logan and the others were headed towards the stairs, and everyone else had gone back to whatever they were doing. James cleared his throat, trying to shake off the last of the confusion, then said, "Well, I've got the afternoon off, apparently. So we could... go on a date or something?"

"We could," Camille agreed. "But I was going to suggest we head up to my place and make out."

"Better plan," he agreed, and took her hand, heading towards the staircase. He just paused for a second to glance at his reflection in one of the windows and brush his hair back again. It was good to know The Face still worked, even out here in Hollywood, with all of its drama.


End file.
